


Have You Ever?

by CxNxPxS



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Chrollo has a lot of dark secrets, F/M, Hisoka is thirsty to start a fight with everyone, Illumi is throwing a hissy fit, Phinks can't handle sex conversations well, Sexual Content, Takes place sometime in the fan fic House Arrest, drinking game
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-10-12
Packaged: 2018-06-04 03:58:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6640486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CxNxPxS/pseuds/CxNxPxS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You lock the adultrio and trouble trio in your guestroom while you are out running an errand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This short story takes place sometime in my other fan fic called House Arrest. I'm not sure if it will be more than 3 chapters long. I'll have to think of some other some other scenarios.
> 
> If you want to read drabbles or headcanons with the adultrio and trouble trio, please visit my blog at magician-puppet-spider.tumblr.com
> 
> Enjoy!

“Stop banging on the door!” Feitan yells at the assassin as he takes off his shirt and tosses it on the ground. “Making a lot of noise isn’t going to make the babysitter open up the door for us.”

“Open up this door right now!” Illumi yells banging on the door.

“Stop it Illumi, I’m trying to read my book and your obnoxious voice is disturbing me,” Chrollo says pulling the blanket over his shoulder to warm his body from the cold air in the room. “Get some sleep or watch a movie with Shalnark and Phinks.”

Illumi spins around with a scowl on his face. “I’m going to lose another contract and a hefty reward if I don’t kill my target by midnight. I’ve never skipped out on a contract before.”

“You can always get another one,” Chrollo says turning to another page in his book.

“Or you could stop whining like a baby and shut the hell up,” Phinks says.

“Where did the babysitter go that she had to lock us up inside the room?” Illumi asks moving away from the door with his arms crossed. He stops inches away from the bed and stares at Chrollo with his eye locked on the book’s cover. “Chrollo, tell me where she went or I’ll kill one of your precious members.”

“Why do you think I know where they are at?” Chrollo asks.

“The babysitter likes you the most. I see the way they look at you with a twinkle in their eyes. Right now, they look dazzling to you until you kill them and move on to someone else,” Illumi says.

Chrollo closes his book and sits up on the bed. “What the hell are you talking about? I don’t think the babysitter looks dazzling to me. Stop confusing your sinister thoughts with mine.”

“Since when does danchou think anyone looks dazzling except for me?” Phinks blurts out.

Everyone looks over at Phinks with a puzzled expression on their face. The blonde blushes hard until his entire face is crimson when he realizes what he had just said. He didn’t mean he looks dazzling to Chrollo, he meant you.

“Danchou, do you think Phinks looks dazzling to you?” Shalnark asks.

Chrollo makes a humming noise before he responds. “Hmm, I don’t know. I’m not really into blondes. I like red heads.”

Hisoka’s eyes light up from his words because the only red head in the room was him unless he’s referring to someone else. The magician bounces on the bed with a grin on his face and moves closer to Chrollo until their bodies touch.

“So, you like red head’s huh? I didn’t know you were into that,” Hisoka says reaching out to touch Chrollo’s cheek.

Chrollo swats his hand away. “I’m joking, I don’t like red heads. I prefer long black hair because of reasons.”

“I don’t care what color the person’s hair is as long as they satisfy my needs,” Illumi says proudly.

Feitan groans. “That’s great Illumi but seriously we didn’t need to know that.”

“You didn’t need to know what?” Illumi says.

“Sex you moron!” Phinks says blushing. He picks up a pillow off the floor near him and places it on his lap because he’s growing hard a little from the conversation. Anytime someone brings up sex, he’s at full throttle. “Can we please move onto another conversation?”

“No, I want to talk about sex. I haven’t had any in a while,” Illumi says sitting down on the edge of the bed. “But then again, I’m really picky with whom I have sex with.”

“Again, we didn’t need to know that,” Feitan says becoming irritated.

“We’ll since we’re on the topic of sex, why don’t we play a drinking game?” Shalnark stands up and grabs a bottle of wine from the pile of clothes in the corner of the room. “The babysitter hid this here for us while the police officers weren’t looking. We can play the have you ever drinking game.”

“Or we can play strip poker?” Hisoka suggests.

Phinks grows harder and presses the pillow down on the bulge in his pants. “Why don’t we look at a movie instead of playing this game?”

“I want to play this game since Illumi is so content on bragging about his nonexistent sex life,” Chrollo says.

“Oohh, danchou I really like it when you get mad,” Hisoka says licking his lips.

“Okay, so who wants to ask the first question?” Shalnark asks looking around the room.

Feitan raises his hand up in the air. “I’ll ask Illumi a question.”

Shalnark pulls the cork out of the bottle and tosses it on the ground. He takes a small sip of the wine and makes a humming noise as the liquid cascades down his throat. He hands the bottle to Feitan but Illumi grabs it and tries to chug it.

“Hold on! Hold on! It’s not your turn to ask someone a question,” Shalnarks says snatching the bottle out of the assassin’s hand.

“I want a drink!” Illumi yells.

“Fei, ask him a question already,” Phinks says.

 “Okay,” Feitan says cupping his chin. “Hmm…Illumi, have you ever masturbated in this apartment?”

“Yes, I mostly do it in the shower,” Illumi says.

“Take a sip and pass it to someone you want to ask a question to,” Shalnark says handing the bottle to Illumi.

Illumi takes a sip and gives the bottle to Chrollo.

“Hmm…Chrollo, have you ever masturbated in the babysitter’s bed?” Illumi asks.

“What?” Chrollo says raising his eyebrow.

“Danchou, were you bashing the candle in the babysitter’s bed?” Shalnark repeats Illumi’s question.

Chrollo laughs as he picks up his book and opens it to the last page he read. He pretends to read it while thinking about Illumi’s question. He has masturbated in the apartment but it wasn’t on your bed. It was on your favorite reading chair near  your bedroom door. He had smelled your bra as he jerked off fast, moaning a little until he squirted his cum all over your floor.

“So have you?” Phinks asks.

“This book is really good. I highly recommend it,” Chrollo says ignoring Phinks’s question.

“Danchou?” Shalnark and Feitan say at the same time.

“Hisoka, if we manage to escape this apartment, let’s have another match at Heaven’s Arena,” Chrollo says.

“Okay, I’m looking forward to it,” Hisoka says in a cooing tone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this. Please leave a comment or kudo if you like. :^)


	2. Chapter 2

The clock ticks in the room loudly as the six gorgeous criminals lay on the bed and floor pretending to be asleep. The fan makes a humming noise as it blows cold air into the warm room. The ugly poster on the wall that has a picture of some music band the criminals have never heard of makes a tapping noise against the wallpaper as the air hits it.

Chrollo shifts in his position on the bed to get comfortable since his back hurts from the spring mattress. He’s used to sleeping on a foam mattress in his apartment without a fan blowing air into his face. He groans a little, sits up, and slaps the warm body lying next to him. He doesn’t care if they curse him out for disrupting their beauty sleep.

“Turn off the fan,” Chrollo says slapping Hisoka on his side again.

Hisoka licks his dry lips. “Do it yourself.”

“That doesn’t sound like something you would say,” Illumi says sitting up on the bed slowly. He yawns and cracks his neck. “I figure you would say yes in an annoying voice like you usually do.”

Hisoka closes his eyes. “I’m done taking orders from others. If he wants the fan off, he can do it himself. Or maybe he can turn one of us into his puppet and force us to do it with black voice.”

Chrollo laughs a little. “I see that you’re still upset from our fight at Heaven’s Arena. I thought you were over that?”

“You blew up my hand and leg. How can I get over something like that?” Hisoka says slightly irritated.

“You can kill him or shut up. Every time danchou asks you to do something you whine like a baby about how he blew up your hand and leg. You got it back thanks to Illumi’s great grandfather who has a strange healing ability,” Phinks says.

Feitan clicks his tongue. “I want that nen ability. If I could make someone’s toenail or fingernail grow back on their skin only to rip it off again, my torturing techniques would be much more gruesome.”

“Anyways, our fight is settled and there’s no reason for me to kill you anymore unless you want to duke it out in this small room,” Chrollo says making the bandit of secrets appear in his hand.

Hisoka jumps up on the bed and makes two cards appear in his hand. He’s not wearing any clothes, which surprises everyone because they forgot the magician sleeps naked. He takes a step back on the bed and prepares himself for another fierce fight with the troupe leader but stops when Shalnark throws his boxers at his back.

“Instead of a fight, why don’t we play another game? It’s called have you ever?” Shalnark says turning the ceiling light on to the lowest setting. “The rules are simple, I ask you a question and if you’ve actually done it, you take a sip of wine.” He holds up another bottle of wine that has a picture of a skull on it. He tosses it over to Chrollo.  “I’ll be the only one asking you two questions and keeping a tally of the score.”

Phinks holds up his hand. “Hold on, why can’t I ask them questions?”

Shalnark shrugs. “Sure, if you want to.”

“I want to ask them questions also,” Feitan chimes in.

Hisoka puts on his boxers and sits down on the bed. He wasn’t amused with the suggested game because he much rather bash Chrollo’s head in; however, he’s curious about the questions they’ll ask him. Regardless of how vile the questions get, he’s going to lie for each one unless he gets extremely drunk which was unlikely. He has a high tolerance for alcohol unlike Chrollo.

“Okay, first question, have you ever allowed someone to win during a fight because you felt sorry for them?” Shalnark asks.

Illumi grabs the bottle from Chrollo and takes a sip before answering. “I did that during the hunter’s exam. Remember that Hisoka?”

“The questions are for Hisoka and Chrollo,” Phinks says crossing his arms.

“I can join the game if I want to,” Illumi says putting the bottle to his lips. He chugs half of the wine and passes it to Hisoka. “You should drink too since you’ve done this with Chrollo.”

“What do you mean he’s done this with me? Hisoka lost the fight against me at Heaven’s Arena,” Chrollo says smiling.

“Next question,” Feitan says sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“Hold on! Hisoka didn’t let me win the fight at Heaven’s Arena. I won it!” Chrollo says raising his voice a little.

“If that’s what you think,” Illumi says tilting his head to the side. He makes a humming noise. “You know I was there watching the fight. Hisoka definitely wasn’t giving it his all toward the end of it. I think he got bored or was tired of you cheating. I mean who turns audience members into puppets to help them win?”

“Funny Illumi, didn’t you do the same when you were chasing after your siblings? I swear I remember you turning innocent citizens into your puppets to find Killua. You even killed some because they weren’t following your orders well. At least my puppets actually got the job done unlike yours,” Chrollo says leaning back against the wall.

“At least I fought Hisoka in a hand to hand fight instead of hiding behind puppets and changing into dead people’s outfits,” Illumi says in a cold joyful tone.

“I’ve killed more people than you and I am the leader of a deadly gang,” Chrollo says.

Illumi laughs. “My family could kill your entire gang in a split second. You almost got killed by my father and grandfather but wait you asked me to kill the Ten Dons in order to save your ass.”

Shalnark grabs the bottle from Hisoka and holds it up in the air. “Why don’t you two finish this bottle and the other one hidden underneath the dresser? We can still play this game but I think it’ll be much more interesting if you two were drunk.”

“Along with me,” Hisoka coos a little.

“And you,” Shalnark says tossing the bottle to Chrollo. “Let’s get you guys drunk first and start the game over again, okay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this. Please leave a kudo or comment if you like. :^)


	3. Chapter 3

“You know…you know when I…when I watched your fight…” Illumi pauses and burps before he speaks again. He points his hand at Hisoka and snorts. “Hi…Hisoka…you should have won the fight…you should have won the fight.”

“Hisoka lost fair and square,” Phinks hisses.

“That’s what the idiot gets for agreeing to fight Chrollo at Heaven’s Arena,” Feitan says grabbing the bottle of wine out of Illumi’s hand.

Hisoka picks up another bottle of wine off the nightstand and opens it up. He takes a small sip and passes the bottle to Phinks.

“Say Feitan, have you ever fought the boss at Heaven’s Arena?” Hisoka asks.

“I would never fight the boss,” Feitan says.

“Oh? Even if Chrollo…let’s say killed someone you cared about?” Hisoka inquires.

“Feitan doesn’t have a significant other,” Phinks says as he raises the bottle of wine to his lips. He takes a small sip and passes it to Shalnark.

“Actually…Feitan is seeing someone. I thought you guys knew that?” Shalnark says.

Feitan throws a pillow at Shalnark to prevent him from saying anything else. He doesn’t want the others to know that he’s been seeing someone off and on for almost two years.

“Wait…you have a girlfriend?” Phinks exclaims.

Feitan blushes a little. “It’s none of your business.”

“I know…let’s play…let’s play have you ever game….,” Illumi tries to stand up on the bed but falls down.

“Okay, have you guys ever dated anyone before?” Shalnark asks everyone.

Illumi laughs. “I…I’v….I’ve dated plenty of people before….but….they don’t like me…no they don’t like me.”

“They probably don’t like you because you’re such an ass,” Phinks says.

“At least…at least I’m beautiful and I…I have eyebrows…” Illumi points to his eyebrows.

Phinks clenches and unclenches his jaw. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? I’ve dated plenty of people who don’t mind me having no eyebrows.”

“Oh? How long did it last for?” Shalnark asks.

Phinks shrugs. “Why does it matter?”

“I could give you dating advice,” Hisoka suggests.

“I can give you better advice Phinks,” Chrollo says quickly.

Phinks makes a humming noise before he answers. “Okay, well I would like some advice.” He blushes a little and clears his throat. “It’s a little embarrassing… but I want to know how to…you know get laid.”

Illumi snorts. “Getting…getting laid is easy. All….all you need to doo….is show them how much…how much money you have and,” the assassin unzips his pants and pulls out his member. “Show…show them your dick.”

“Put your dick away you pervert!” Phinks screams.

“Why…I’m sure…I’m sure I have the biggest one in this room,” Illumi says holding it in his hand proudly.

Hisoka smirks. “I’m bigger.”

Chrollo narrows his eyes. “I doubt that.”

Shalnark jumps off the bed and searches the dresser for measuring tape. He finds one underneath some shirts and underwear. He walks back to the bed and holds it up in the air.

“Who wants to measure their size in the closet?” Shalnark asks.

“I’ll go first,” Chrollo and Hisoka say at the same time.

Shalnark frowns. “Sorry Hisoka but Chrollo can go first.”

Chrollo picks up the measuring tape and walks over to the closet.

“Oh, here’s my cellphone. Please delete the porn site off of it after you’re done,” Shalnark tosses his cellphone to Chrollo.

“We need to get drunker if we’re doing this,” Feitan says.

“Very drunk,” Phinks groans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long update. The last two chapters will very short. Thank you for reading. :)


End file.
